About
Global Tetrahedron was born of the shadows, and it is committed to control in all its forms.
Committed to the conquest of mortality since its foundation in 1634.
Providing strategic counsel for top human-trafficking enterprises, large-scale embezzlement services, and covert assassination requests.
We are pragmatic, focused, bloodthirsty, and fanatical.
Values
Unrelenting: Our strong talons will rip the flesh from our victims’ bones in order to feed it to our freshly hatched young.
Temptation: The flesh, it glistens.
Forced Sterilization: Global Tetrahedron has worked tirelessly to ensure that none of our competitors or any other undesirable groups may extend their defective bloodlines.
Quantum Domination: We believe in a future where time and dimension bend to the whims of our board.
Porcupine Breeding: Our innovation extends beyond ideas that have a clear path to monetization.
Computer: We all use computer.
Global Tetrahedron By The Numbers
14 billion: NDAs signed
60 billion: Hours of labor exploited
300,000: Guns donated to underprivileged communities
10: Inches of rock-hard cock
49,000 And Counting: Puppies milled
1,107 And Counting: Elementary schools shuttered
98: Weight limit for female employees (in pounds)
Numbers: Numbers
6: Floors of our offices considered CIA black sites
1: Wild gorilla on the loose in our office currently
33,893: Elderly euthanized in our assisted care facilities