Global Tetrahedron was born of the shadows, and it is committed to control in all its forms. 

  • Committed to the conquest of mortality since its foundation in 1634. 

  • Providing strategic counsel for top human-trafficking enterprises, large-scale embezzlement services, and covert assassination requests. 

  • We are pragmatic, focused, bloodthirsty, and fanatical. 


Unrelenting: Our strong talons will rip the flesh from our victims’ bones in order to feed it to our freshly hatched young.

Temptation: The flesh, it glistens.

Forced Sterilization: Global Tetrahedron has worked tirelessly to ensure that none of our competitors or any other undesirable groups may extend their defective bloodlines.

Quantum Domination: We believe in a future where time and dimension bend to the whims of our board.

Porcupine Breeding: Our innovation extends beyond ideas that have a clear path to monetization.

Computer: We all use computer.

Global Tetrahedron By The Numbers

14 billion: NDAs signed

60 billion: Hours of labor exploited

300,000: Guns donated to underprivileged communities

10: Inches of rock-hard cock

49,000 And Counting: Puppies milled

1,107 And Counting: Elementary schools shuttered

98: Weight limit for female employees (in pounds)

Numbers: Numbers

6: Floors of our offices considered CIA black sites

1: Wild gorilla on the loose in our office currently

33,893: Elderly euthanized in our assisted care facilities